17/1/2011

So lately it seems my insanity is becoming all too much to bare; that every day is one of 'those' days. I'm not sure I believe in anything I feel anymore, because its become so hard to tell what's real and what's just a figurement of my imagination.

Slowly I'm loosing all concept of right or reason, and this time I don't think I'm going to get it back. I've lost the will to lose.

On the plus side, at college I had a jump lesson today on a horse that prior to the lesson, practically pinned me to the wall and repetivley attempted to kick me, whom I am not that confident on due to my inability to handle his 'quirks'. Anyhow, so today we were doing grid work which is basically a series of jumps with only short strides inbetween so you have to sit up and be ready to take off again quite quickly, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't bricking it- because I am prehaps the most unbalanced person this side of the hemisphere,Oscar has a pretty early take off and I had never been over jumps of that height before. Never a good combination.

So there I am on Oscar with this grid in front of me feeling very aprehensive about going over it, to the point I nearly cried; but that's when I realised, when we don't face something, we reinforce our fear of it. So I went over it once and was going to leave it at that, and instead of saying no when my instructor asked if I wanted to go again, I said 'Not really, but I will'

Enough of my aimless rambling, tomorrow is another day.
So this was the jump I was scared about doing...

and this is just a small cross pole, so small infact it looks like the poles are touching the floor :L