31/8/2010

In my last post I mentioned ‘not being ready for recovery’, since then I’ve realised that in truth, you’re never ready for recovery...

When we engage in disordered behaviours they become our comfort zone, a coping mechanism; the release we gain from them is reliant upon us staying within the confines of the behaviours. This is why we pander to every whim of the behaviour, believing that if we don’t – we have no purpose.

We cling onto what keeps us going even if it tears us apart, because we feel the release far outweighs the negative outcome; we live in anticipation, always waiting for the next high, going to any extreme in order to get it. Which poses the question are we waiting for the next low in order to be able to get that high, or rather waiting for the next high in order to hit the low?, and so the cycle continues. This is where I bring physics into place; the higher up something goes, the more gravitational potential it gains- meaning the object falls further and faster as it gains in height. If we applied the same concept to our mentality and wellbeing, the better we felt, the higher up we’d be; as we reached our peak, we’d be on edge waiting to fall again. A lot of the time it seems we can never be satisfied with where we’re at- but maybe it’s because we’re scared of contentment, knowing that the higher we go, the more we have to lose, therefore, we never allow ourselves to push boundaries- so we settle for mediocre.

We never feel prepared enough to explore new territory- its human nature to fear the unknown; but it’s not until we gain insight into how restricting our barriers are that we learn we need to push them, and this for me, seems to be what recovery is about; establishing the impact the behaviours have on you before trying to approach and rectify them.

Reverting back to physics, we’re as strong as what we allow to drag us down;

‘Every force has an equal and opposite one’,

and no matter how much it feels like we’re being pushed or pulled in the opposite direction, we’re always going to match the opposing force. There's always a balance; it’s all in the finding it.

In short, we’re never ready for recovery- and if we waited till we were we’d be waiting forever.