Ryan,

Do you remember last year when I was in the back of an ambulance and you didn't even know me properly back then, well not enough to do what you did, but you were the first person to contact me to ask if I was okay. Remember how that weekend you took me home to yours and looked after me until I was well enough again? Remember how you took my hand, looked me in the eye and told me we'd get through that meal together? Well I'll never forget, because right then- that was exactly what I needed and I couldn't be more grateful for the fact that you were the one to do it. Because it was in those moments that I started to believe in love.

There were so many times when you could've given up, so many times I tried to push you away, yet you knew that was just a defense because I felt threatened, and that really, more than anything- I needed someone, and you were determined to be that someone, and for the first time I felt like someone cared enough to give me a reason to try. It's scary how it takes coming close to dying to make you realise how much there is to live for.

If there's one thing I've learnt from you, it's that there is always hope, you just have to be brave enough to open your eyes and see it, and when I couldn't, you always saw for me. Thank you for all those nights you stayed awake whilst I asked questions about life and the world, too scared of the answers that I so desperately needed. Thank you for every tear you cried with me when things got hard. Thank you for not only helping me through my defeats, but celebrating my victories with me too - but most of all, thank you for not giving up through it all.

Thank you for not allowing me to lose myself and in doing so, helping me find who I am; it's not enough to say I wouldn't be half the person I am today without you, because I know without a doubt, if it hadn't been for you on that day, I wouldn't be writing this now. And I mean that in the most literal sense possible.

Even though things were so bad then that it hurts even now, I'll always manage to find a way to look at those times as the happiest of my life- just because you were there.

I used to be so scared of the future and all of it's uncertainty, but because of you I'm learning to embrace it. Thank you for not only putting everything into perspective, but for giving it a context too. I love how I could tell you anything and nothing I could ever say would change anything and all too often you've known when you needed to be there without me needing to say anything. Thank you for always seeing right through me and breaking down all the barriers I'd spend years building and trying to maintain. You will always know me better than anyone else because you're the only person I've ever shown fully who I am. I feel such a connection with you and sometimes it feels like I've known you forever. I know it's a cliche, but thank you for not only being my boyfriend, but my best friend, and at times, my only friend.

Since I've been with you there hasn't been a day that we haven't found something to laugh or smile about and I couldn't be more grateful for the fact that I get to wake up to you every day. Thank you for not only making me feel safe, but making me feel safe enough to allow myself to be vulnerable. Thank you for allowing me to not only show you my strengths, but my weaknesses too.

Thank you for all that you've done, and all that you continue to do for me- I owe you my life.


Happy Birthday Baby!

I hope you have a brilliant day- you really do deserve it after everything you've been through. I've tried to make everything perfect so today can be just how I hoped it would be before you.

Hope you enjoy your surprise!

All my love forever,

Bex <3