I know what you're thinking; 'Well if you're still here, then obviously something is keeping you here, you've just got to find it', but the reality is, I don't feel I deserve to live or die; I feel as if I deserve to be stuck in the middle, never fully living, never having the freedom of dying either, to just exist.
Breathing hurts, talking hurts. Words are escaping me and nothing bears any meaning anymore. I just want to go.
'Well liars they leave a guilty trail, and let me tell you something- I've been lying for fucking years.'
You know the first time I met you, I thought there was more to you than I ever could comprehend. You prove me right almost everyday of every year. But there are still a lot of things I know. I know that whatever you feel is right, is wrong. Whatever that voice in your head tells you when you're looking in the mirror, it isn't you. I know I'm not enough to help you and I wish that I was, but I know with everything I have that you are worth it. Even if you don't want the help, you ARE worth it.
ReplyDeleteYou are the closest, greatest and most understanding friend I have ever had. You're my best friend, but there's one thing I have to ask. Why are you scared of help if you 'know' it won't help? I think you know there's a possibility that they could take it from you. I think that's the voice that is still you. I love you so, so much.