Three months on, the words have finally come to me. Back in October, I made the conscious decision to live; not just to survive, but to live every moment in it's greatest sense; to appreciate every breath i take and every beat of my heart, reminding me i'm alive. And for the first time, that feeling no longer scares me. No matter how hard things get, I wont ever forget the feeling when I realised that I was strong enough to fight; that my will to live was far stronger than my eating disorder will ever be. With each day that passes I know I get a step closer to living outside of the realms of my e.d and learning who I am. I know that with each breath I take, I'm fighting. Today it hurts me to know that I spent three years of my life trying to kill myself a little more each day, and I constantly wonder if things would've been the same had I known back then where I'd be today. Slowly I am allowing myself to be the person I have always been underneath, and I'm learning to like myself. And nothing in the world will ever equate to that feeling.