A few years ago I began riding a friend’s mare; she’d drag me into fences, never keep out on the track, take the bit and run with me, and was unsympathetic towards new riders. She placed so much doubt in my ability that my confidence lapsed before it was even created. The problem was I didn’t trust her enough, and that I wasn’t experienced enough for the horse to be able to approach her behaviour in an effective manner.
A few years later I began having riding lessons at a riding school where I had previously done work experience. I knew the horses there well, but only in the stable. For my first few lessons I rode a mare called Pepsi; she was affectionate but both lazy and bouncy under saddle. I didn’t have the confidence to get her to move forward. I felt like I had failed to conquer yet another horse.
I then began to ride a horse called Biscuit; a gorgeous seventeen hand, ex-show jumper mare. I knew Biscuit well as I mucked her out every day I was on my work experience; she’d follow me round the stable and would move over when I asked her to. There was no need to ever tell her anything twice; she was so willing to please.
At first I was apprehensive to ride her due to her size; I’d never noticed quite how big she was when she was in the stable despite it being a confined space. It was in that first lesson with Biscuit that I mastered my rising trot rhythm. For any other rider, such an ‘achievement’ may not seem significant; but due to my Dyspraxia, balance, rhythm and co-ordination were something I had always struggled with.
Biscuit gave me something many other horses had failed to; she made me feel proud.
In that same lesson I had my first canter; at first I was hesitant, but as Biscuit went into a perfectly strided canter, I began to relax into it; I felt the burden of tension and fear I had been carrying being lifted. There was something about riding that I found so empowering. It was then that I realised that it is possible to have control over something that seems so much bigger and stronger than you.
When my next lesson came around, I arrived at the stables to find some work-men were re-concreting the yard, as I mounted Biscuit my instructor told me to be cautious as she may spook at the sound of the shovel on the ground. She halted a fair distance away from the men and I kicked her forward past them and she didn’t even so much as blink in their direction. That was when I knew she trusted me.
On one occasion when I was returning to the stables from the riding school, a tractor came past and Biscuit spooked, I didn't panic like I would've done had I of been on my friends mare, instead I spoke to her calmly and reassuringly. It was the fact that despite her strength and age, she wasn't afraid to show her own vulnerability that made me fall even more in love with her. For the first time I didn't have to pretend not to be scared so she wouldn't sense it, I genuinely wasn't nervous. That was when I knew I trusted her.
From the moment we get upon a horse, we give them the power to determine our level of confidence; some days they'll fill you with self belief, others they'll seem to tear it down. But no matter what, there's always a day when it will be restored, if not by the same horse, then by another. Every horse is a test; we have to prove ourselves to them before they prove themselves to us- it is only then that the partnership between horse and rider can reach its full potential.
Someone at the stables told me that Biscuit and I looked like we had been together all our lives, and it truly felt like we had been. I have since stopped riding at that stables as I have lessons at college where I am studying Horse Management,in order to pursue my dream of becoming an Equine Behaviourist.
Biscuit gave me confidence at a time when I doubted myself the most; she taught me to put trust in her when I lost faith in everything else. She showed me that the impossible was possible. I can only hope that someday I can have what Biscuit gave me with another horse ♥
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| 'When riding a horse we leave our fear, troubles, and sadness behind on the ground.' - Juli Carlson |
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